Thursday, December 19, 2013

Day 4

In Loving Memory of Deva Prasad
We go to the hospital early in the morning hoping for the best. Many people have gathered to see my brother. His friends, colleagues, client representatives... It is amazing to see how people showed up that early to see their friend. 

The Doctor calls me in. I go in with a racing heart expecting some good news. He explains why my brother was brought to the ICU. He's had a heart defect called "Myocardial Bridge" in addition to the heart inflammation which resulted in Sudden Cardiac Arrest. He collapsed on his way home and he didn't get the help he needed within the first few minutes. This tragedy could have been avoided if he'd paid close attention to the minor discomforts and also had a routine EKG

Then came the cold words from the Dr.'s mouth which hit me right between the eyes, “Your brother is going to die this afternoon or tonight."  I was angry at what I had just heard, "What?... What are you talking about? You said things would be better in the morning." “No.We tried everything”. He says this with no emotion.

“No! No! Something is wrong here. He is not going to die. We can take him to a better hospital or to the USA. I live right next to one of  the best hospitals”, I quiver. He shrugs, "It is not possible. He would die immediately. The only thing I can do is to let you stay with him in the ICU till his brain stops."

Can life be this cruel? Can the brain that took him places drain the life out of him? There is still time. There should be something we can do. My SIL begs the doctor to do anything to keep him alive. My niece screams at him for not saving her dad.

I hear the wailing from my SIL and niece. I don't know what to do. Why didn't I do something about it yesterday night? What was I thinking?  What happened to the strong sister who makes things happen? I let him down big time. Why did God bring me over here? 

His close friend comes and tells us that they knew the outcome three days ago.  Everyone braced for the grim outcome except for his family, my parents, and I. Maybe we just refused to accept the inevitable. I feel like a helpless fool.

I should have... could have ... I feel like God hid His face from us. Not now Lord! Not now… Please, we need a miracle here…Dear Lord! Look at your son who kneels down and prays even in the middle of the night. Please forgive us if we have hurt others! We need you now!

We stay with him in the ICU praying for a miracle…
A few hours later we witness the worst moment of our life. One of the smartest brains has stopped working. He is gone. Gone forever!

My heart gets twisted in a knot. What do we tell the little girl who doesn't even know what is going on with her dad? What do I tell my parents? I see my SIL lying down like a small bird that has no life. 

Now my cousin's words come to my mind. It finally hit me that I am not here to save him. I am just here to hold up his family when he passes away to the other world. What a great plan, Lord!

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